Wicked Mania
by Jaeme
Summary: Previously called Slightly Cannibalistic, now has been changed into a series of random one-shots. R&R!
1. Slightly Cannibalistic

**Slightly Cannibalistic**

**This is actually a conversation between me and a friend when I lost it in Business Studies.**

**Where: Library**

**Time: Unknown**

**Characters: Elphaba, Galinda**

Elphaba sat in the library trying to read a book. At least, trying being the optimum word. A certain perky blonde was making life very hard for the green girl.

'Ooooooh!' squealed Galinda, 'You should have seen those shoes, they were simply amazing!'

Elphaba just sighed, she needed this little blonde bee to go away otherwise she'd be turned into an asylum. Looking up from her book she had a sudden idea, however off putting and grisly.

'Galinda…' started Elphaba slowly gazing across the table at her friend.

'Yeah?' came the oblivious response.

'Have you ever wondered what you'd taste like?'

'Well I… What?' the little blonde just stared at her.

'Yeah, I recon the cheek would taste best, I'm an excellent chef you know.' Elphaba's eyes glazed over as she stared at Galinda.

All Galinda could do was stare open mouthed at her green roomie, 'Wha…'

'Mm, if I start to drool, tell me.' Elphaba continued to stare, mouth half open as Galinda shifted uncomfortably under her gaze, 'Mock turtle soup would work, I think.'

'Why would you want eat me?' asked the blonde, all of a sudden wanting out.

'I'm not that sure,' replied the green girl keeping her dreamy gaze fixed on Galinda, 'I'm feeling all of a sudden cannibalistic.'

That was all the little blonde could take she let out a squeal and bolted from the room receiving glances from the few other occupants of the Shiz library. As Galinda fled Elphaba practically fell off her chair laughing at the blonde's final horrified expression.

**That was a day in the life of me, except with me and my friend the convo went for longer because we were stuck in a classroom and in the end she actually joined in with suggestions of how to cook and eat her.**


	2. Sewing Machine Mechanic

**Sewing Machine Mechanic**

Elphaba and Galinda were in their sorcery seminar copying stuff off of the black board as Madame Morrible waddled around telling them lots off useless things about how, 'Phrasing your spells can totally, like, affect your, like, the outcome off your, like, spell, like, wow!'

Noticing Morrible's odd speech she subtly as possible ripped a piece of paper out of the back of her book and scribbled a note on it passing it to Galinda.

Elphaba: Hey Galinda!

Galinda: Hey yeah?

Elphaba: What's with the way Morrible is speaking?

Galinda: (: like it? I was trying out a new spell and chose her to test it on!

Elphaba: o: you did what!

Galinda: Read my comment from before!

Elphaba: What was the spell? Talk like a hyperactive Justin Beiber fan?

Galinda: Who's Justin Beiber?

Elphaba: …I have no clue what so ever… (arrow leading to previous comment)

Galinda: Why does it say "arrow leading to previous comment" on the side of the page?

Elphaba: Because it does. Just answer the question.

Galinda: Okay, okay, it was a youthful thinking spell.

Elphaba: "Youthful thinking"?

Before Galinda could write a reply Morrible announced from the front of the class, 'I, like, totally hope you girls will, like, have all these questions, like, answered before lunch!'

'Sure Madame.' replied both girls and set to work.

Galinda: Elphie! My pen is

Elphaba: Your pen is what?

'My pen is out of ink!' the blonde whisper squealed to her friend.

Sighing, Elphaba reaching into her satchel for her spare, 'Here have one of mine.'

'Thanks Elphie! I'll just go throw my old one away.'

'Hey, put the note in the bin too.' Said Elphaba handing her the scribbled on piece of paper.

Galinda stood and walked to the front of the class where the bin was. When she got there she threw her old pen and the note away, as she turned to walk back to her desk she stopped and turned back to Madame Morrible who sat behind her desk thrumming her hands on her desk to some unknown song that only she knew.

'Hey, Madame Morrible?'

'Hey, like, yeah?'

'Have you ever considered becoming a sewing machine mechanic?'

**True happening people! Same class that Slightly Cannibalistic came from, my blonde friend puts something in the bin, turns to the teacher and asks her if she ever considered becoming a sewing machine mechanic. The teacher laughed so hard she cried.**


	3. Glue This!

**Glue This!**

'Bruz I'm bored…' said Avaric into his arm.

'I know eh?' replied Fiyero, his head resting on his hand lazily as he pretended to check over his nails while secretly checking out the girls in the class.

Doctor Dillamond was up the front of the class teaching about… something… Fiyero couldn't remember what it was, the beginning of the lesson seemed to long ago.

Fiyero was vaguely aware of Doctor Dillamond walking over to his large, paper covered desk and finding some sheets and handing them out. Returning to the front when all the papers were handed out he announced in his throaty-goaty way, 'Now everyone! I want you to stick those sheets into your workbooks because we'll be looking over that particular information the next lecture.' The old goat looked around the room and quickly added, 'And I want you to use _glue _and not bubblegum…' said the goat with a pointed look at Pfannee and Shenshen who were giggling away in the back row.

Sighing, Fiyero and Avaric looked at the sheets on their desks and then at each other, then turned to the girls sitting next them, charming them into giving over their glue. When they had it they set about gluing down the papers.

'Dude, is that super glue?' asked Fiyero reading the label on the glue Avaric was using.

'Eh, don't know, don't care,' said Avaric.

'Gimme that.' And Fiyero childishly snatched the glue away, 'This _is _super glue!'

'Really?' Avaric was excited now, 'Let's test it!'

'Alright, I'll put some glue on the table and you stick your finger to it.'

'Okay!' then Avaric thought it over, 'Wait just a clock tick, why do I have to be the one stuck to the desk?'

'Cos you don't have a hot girlfriend.' Fiyero pointed out simply.

'Oh… okay…'

So, Fiyero put some super glue on the table and Avaric tentatively placed his finger on the glob of uber-adhesive… and guess what? He stuck…

'Dude… I'm stuck…' Avaric said as he wrenched his hand back and forth trying to unlatch it from the table.

'I noticed.' Said Fiyero with a smug smile.

'Gasp! You planned this all along you dastardly dastard you!'

'What?'

'I said "you dastardly dastard you".' articulated Avaric.

'Oh, well that's alright then,' said Fiyero with a shrug.

After a bit more tugging from Avaric, he eventually turned to Fiyero for a bit of help, 'Help… please!'

Fiyero sighed 'Fine.' So he helped, first he picked up the super glue and moved it slightly so he was in no danger of getting stuck to anything, then he half-heartedly grabbed Avaric's hand with his left hand and gave it a solid tug.

There was a random guttural noise from the Winkie prince's roommate, 'Your hurting me!'

'Well of course it's going to hurt! It's stuck to a table!'

'But do you have to be so rough?'

'Well if you don't like it fine, I'll just leave.' And Fiyero began to swivel in his chair but Avaric stopped him.

'Uh-uh mister, you ain't going nowhere!'

'Okay, just so you know, "you ain't going nowhere" is a grammar policeman's nightmare.' Pointed out the scandalicious one.

'I don't care, just get me off this desk!'

Fiyero sighed again and picked up the glue to see if there were any warnings or anything, unfortunately, any writing at all that was ever on the glue had been nail-polished out by the obnoxious girl who had given it to Avaric. Before he put it down and returned to helping Avaric he didn't notice that some had leaked onto his right hand.

Turning back to Avaric he gave his roomies hand a final left-handed tug and he pulled loose of the superglue leaving behind a good two layers of flesh with enough fingerprint evidence and DNA to satisfy a murder detective.

'Yes! I'm free!' announced Avaric standing up causing the whole class (all three who hadn't already been watching) to turn and stare at him. With an evil look from Dr Dillamond he quickly sat down.

'Thanks for helping out man.' Said Avaric to Fiyero totally forgetting that it was the prince who had stuck him there in the first place, he held up his hand for a high five.

'Sure no probs roomie.' Replied Fiyero, accepting the high five.

About to turn back to gluing in the sheets, they stopped… they were stuck, Fiyero had high-fived with his right hand…

'NOOO!' cried the partners in crime.

* * *

><p><strong>Guess what peoples! Like everything else in this medly, this happened at school! Yay!<strong>


	4. What Time Is It Avaric?

**What Time is it Avaric?**

**Based off the Goon Show's 'What Time is it Eccles?'**

**Peoples, as sad as I am to say it, I don't own Wicked, or the Goon Show.**

'What?' came the very loud protests from two certain partners in crime.

'Hey, like, chill guys.' Said Madame Morrible holding up her hands in a 'calm down' sort of way.

'I seriously don't want to spend my awesome Saturday in some dusty old shop!' announced Avaric and Fiyero simply nodded in agreement, putting on his best serious face.

'Well then, if you, like, didn't wanna do the time, then you, like, shouldn't have committed the crime.' Her fish face looked even more hideous than usual as she attempted a 'burn' face.

Readers, for all who have not figured out the happenings of this story, allow me to explain. The boys Avaric and Fiyero have recently committed the dastardly crime of invading all classrooms in Shiz and placing generous amounts of flour on the ceiling fans. All you clever people will have figured out what happens when one might turn on the fans on a particularly hot day will be smiling at the picture now. Seeing as today was a particularly hot day, everywhere all over the grounds people turned on the fans to a, rather dastardly effect.

Now, the boys have just been sentenced to spending Saturday in an old clock repair job in the ground floor attic of a nearby antique shop.

Arriving at the shop on Saturday both boys were immediately over whelmed by the insane amount of clocks all crammed into such a small space. There was absolutely no where that you couldn't hear the dinging and donging, clicking and ticking, chinking and chiming of clocks. There was even the occasional bird call from the numerous cuckoo clocks.

The owner of the shop set the two to the job of setting the right time on each of the clocks once they had been fixed. One problem, every single clock in the shop said the wrong time.

Staring round at the clocks in front of him Fiyero tried to find one that seemed to have a reasonable time on it.

Turning to Avaric for help he asked, 'What time is it Avaric?'

Smiling smugly to himself, Avaric reached into his pocket, 'Ah, hold on, I've got it written down here on a piece of paper.' Pulling out the paper he said, 'A nice fellow wrote it down for me this morning.'

'Oh,' said Fiyero frowning, 'Then why do you carry it around with you Avaric?'

'So if anyone asks me the time, I can show it to them!' announced Avaric proudly.

'Wait a minute Avaric my good man.'

'What is it fellow?'

'It's written down on this piece of paper?' Avaric nodded, 'But it says 8 o'clock.'

'I know that my good man.' Said Avaric with a smile, 'That's right, when I asked the good man to write it down, it was 8 o'clock.'

'But, what if someone asks you the time and it's not 8 o'clock?' asked Fiyero, uncertain of Avaric's logic.

'Well then I don't show it to them!' said Avaric matter-o-factly.

'Aaah,' Fiyero clicked his tongue distractedly, 'Well, how do you know if it's 8 o'clock?'

'I've got it written down on a piece of paper.' Announced Avaric brandishing the piece of paper under Fiyero's nose.

'Oh, I wish I could afford a piece of paper with the time written on it. Hey, Avaric?'

'Yeah?'

'Let me hold that there piece of paper to my ear,' Fiyero took the piece of paper and held it to his ear for a moment, 'Heh, this piece of paper ain't going!'

'What!' said Avaric, astonished at this discovery, 'I've been sold a forgery!'

'No wonder it stopped at 8 o'clock!'

'Oh dear.' Avaric looked genuinely shattered.

Fiyero thought for a moment, _light bulb!_'Hey Av, you should get one of those things my Granddad's got!'

'What's that then?' Avaric looked up hopefully.

'His firm gave it to him when he retired,' said Fiyero, 'It's one of those things that um, wakes you up at 8 o'clock, boils the kettle and pours a cup of tea!'

'Oh yeah! Um what's it called…'

'My Grandma!' said Fiyero with a huge grin.

'Oh! Cool,' Avaric smiled but it faded quickly into a frown, 'Wait a minute! How does she know when it's 8 o'clock?'

'She's got it written down on a piece of paper!'

**Hope you all enjoyed, it's much funnier when you listen to it.**

**Don't forget to R&R!**


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